Ahhhhh...you have returned, eh? Hoping to learn more? Hoping to learn the secrets of the ages?
Hoping to ASK THE QUESTION I
CANNOT ANSWER (TM)? Hoping to find out where I keep my wallet (I know you were,
don't you lie to me young man!) It is said that there are those who see what others do not...
that there are those who see beyond this world and into the next...who see and know secrets hidden
from mortal men...Personally, I think that's all rubbish...stinkin' new age garbage...
Anyhoo...so here we are, the second installment of The Path to Illumination. I've been on a total ego trip since
the last installment, I got a bunch of very good questions from everyone (and a couple of not so good
ones) which I'm just going to assume means that some of you read the article. Remember, I'm only
going to be answering two questions per installment, so if you've sent in a good question, and I haven't
answered it, don't fret (fretting gives you wrinkles). I'm keeping a file, and I'll get around to it sooner
or later. And if you've got any new questions send them to me.
So, without further ado, here is the very first question in The Path to Illumination...
Drum roll please...
Ahem, drum roll please...
......
......
What?...okay...yeah, a zombie?...really?...well, where is he?...uh huh...Ghand, huh?...shot him?...that's nice...crap...
No drum roll then...**pounds on desk with fingers**
The Sinister Mr. X (no, seriously that's his name) asks
!WHAT! is the smallest country in the world (Hint: It's not Vatican City)?
Well, I happen to know the answer to that question: VATICAN CITY (Hint: The Sovereign Military
Order of Malta is not a country).
Vatican City (Home of the "Find the Pope in the Pizza" contest) weighs in at a slender 0.2 square miles,
0.5 square miles smaller than the next smallest country, Monaco (which, by the way, is a great place to
get body work done on your car, just ask Pete Rose).
There is a proposition put forth by some (including, I assume, The Sinister Mr. X) that the smallest
country in the world is in fact The Sovereign Military Order of Malta. This knightly order, officially known
as the Sovereign Military Hospitaller Order of St. John of Jerusalem, of Rhodes and of Malta, was once,
during mediaeval times a soverign state (centered in Rome), but now it holds a status akin to the International
Federation of the Red Cross.
The Knights of Malta began as a hospitaller order during the First Crusade, and, as many of the knightly
orders of that era, grew in power as the Crusaders came into increasing conflict with the Moslems that
held the Holy Land. When Jerusalem was recaptured, the Knights relocated several times, to Cyprus, Rhodes,
and then finally Malta.
Currently, the Order maintains a headquarters in Rome, but has national organizations in over 50 countries
including the US & the UK (much like the Red Cross) and holds permanent observer status at the UN
(as does the Red Cross). It is recognized as a country by the Vatican, and a few other Roman Catholic
countries, but it does not issue any utilized currency, has no territorial holdings, has no permanent
population, has no native economy, and does not exercise any police powers. Since those are pretty much
the criteria to be qualified as a country, the Order does not qualify.
So that was the question I could answer off the top of my head, and here's the one that I had to
research.
I wouldn't normally pick one like this, because it doesn't have a whole lot of extra information to be added,
but I had such a good time looking for the answer, I figured I'd throw it in (because, as we all know, my
enjoyment is what's important here).
David Ludgate asked:
Who played Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film in Monty Python, the Search for the Holy Grail?
Like I said, I really loved this question, and Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail has
got to be one of my favorite movies of all time, so I had a blast looking through all sorts of websites searching
for the answer. But I did find it (Because I'm Gumby damnit!)
Michael Palin's son Thomas played the aptly-named "Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film". Thomas is the eldest
of Palin's three children, he has a younger son, William, and a daughter, Rachel. Palin, who (like all
members of the Monty Python troupe) played several roles in the film, including the narrator, has been
married to Helen Gibbons since 1966. The two had been high school sweethearts, and they have been
a couple since they were 16 years old.
David Ludgate, you asked the question I had to research (not to be confused with THE QUESTION I
CANNOT ANSWER (TM)), and for that, I salute you.
On to other business (gotta do something in this down market), the winner of this week's quote contest
is StagCraft who correctly identified that Adolf Hitler said "What luck for rulers that men do not think" (
that gives it an interesting perspective, doesn't it?) Several people got the answer right, congratulations
all, but StagCraft gave me birth and death dates, as well as both of his most used political titles, and
that put him over the top. Congratulations StagCraft, your "Naked Ghand" is on it's way (allow 4-6 weeks
for shipping...unless the tranquilizers wear off, then it will take longer)
A honorable mention goes
to NiceButDim (you gotta love that name) who said "You know, that quote sounds an awful lot like Despot." Ha!
Yes, yes it does...
What?...he what?...oh, crap...
Um...okay, I'm being forced to...no, no, not forced...I uh, just want to correct my previous
statement, Despot is not a cruel, vindictive, sadistic...Ow, ow, ow NOT THE FACE!...what I mean to say is that Despot is
a warm, loving, kind, individual who always writes to his mother, and is nice to puppies and old ladies...
stinkin' rat bas...what?...no, I didn't say anything...
Two other notes on the quote contest: I recieved an email from Conan (I'm assuming it's a different Conan,
I don't think Ahh-nuld read the article) that had a subject line "Hitler" and a content of "Hitler"...umm, yes...
that's not what I was refering to when I said "hustle"...I also got an email claiming that the quote in German was
"Glück für Tabellierprogramme, die Männer nicht denken" which, if you can read German is utter nonsense...Silly
mortal...do you not know that I know much? Do you not know that my knowledge is great, and that I cannot
be deceived!?! (either that, or I have a good friend who is German...one of the two ;)
Well, it's almost my bedtime, so I'm going to end the article. I asked Ghandiah to name the quote contest
for me (I wanted an interesting name, but I didn't want it to make any sense) so here's the new name:
**INSERT CONTEST NAME HERE**
Son of a bi...evidently Ghand was too busy playing Thief to name the quote contest for me...
you know...he said he was serious about quitting this time *stifles a sob*
He said he was in rehab...that he hadn't played in two weeks...*sobs*...there's only so many times you
can let yourself be hurt by someone *breaks down sobbing*...
Oh well, say la "v"...this week's quote has a bit of a DX tie-in (and I'm sure Despot will enjoy it)...
"Journalism largely consists in saying "Lord Jones is dead" to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive"
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