PREVIOUS PAGE: MAILBAG DAY
I feel wounded.
Inside.
Well, since EVERYBODY ELSE has RUINED my anniversary party, there’s only one last thing I can fall back on. Because, folks, there’s only one thing that can save this article now.
And it’s me.
THE GHANDAIAH INTERVIEW!
:Begin Recording:
[Ghand] Hello, Ghandaiah!
[Ghandaiah] Hello, Ghand!
[Ghand] How are you doing today?
[Ghandaiah] Why, I am just fine!
[Ghand] That’s hilarious!
[Ghandaiah] Yes, because I said it!
[Ghand] What is that supposed to mean? Are you implying that if I were to say it, it wouldn’t be funny?
[Ghandaiah] Yes.
[Ghand] Bitch.
[Ghandaiah] SHUT UP.
...
:End Recording:
I don’t get it. Where’s the punchline?
That didn’t work either. Now I’m just pissed off at... me.
FOR BEING ARROGANT.
HEY, I’M NOT THE ARROGANT ONE, IDIOT!
SHUT UP, BEFORE I-
BEFORE YOU WHAT?! BEFORE YOU RELEASE THE-
...
Well that was odd.
*Whispers from side of screen.*
What? Oh, right.
You know what I want? A clone. That way, when I talk to myself, I wouldn’t be considered completely insane! Ahahaha! Get it? Because I... because I would be talking to another person... but me, at the same time... aha... No.
I want a clone. A zombie clone. Hmm. Maybe... if I killed myself... and, got resurrected... No, wait, that would produce two zombies... I only want one...
*More whispers from side of screen.*
NO, YOU SAID THAT ALREADY! I REFUSE TO START MAKING SENSE!
What?
Oh, the games. I don’t WANT to put up the games. The games SUCK. NOBODY WANTS TO PLAY THE GAMES! I DON’T WANT TO POST THE GAMES! SO NO! I REFUSE TO FOLLOW YOUR ORDERS! AND NOBODY’S GOING TO STOP ME! YOU-
...
There.
Are you happy now?
Solve them. Go ahead. You won’t win anything.
Except maybe MY FIST. AHAHAHAHAHHA! Oh, that was hilarious, Ghand, tell another...
OKAY! Here goes: “Arnold Schwarzenegger running for governor!” AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! AHAHAHAHAHHAA! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! HAHAHA! HA! GAH! AH, WOO, WOW, THAT WAS FUNNY!
...
Asshat.
:End Transmission:
Happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeee... happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeee... happy birthday dear... OH, GOD, IT BURNS!
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